Arm Thyself

Kids running down stairs.

• Robert:  Are you guys going outside?
• Chloe (5):  No, we're getting our weapons

Paper, Rock, Scissors - Almost

• Chloë (5):  Rock, Scissors...
• Robert:  And?
• Chloë:  ...Toilet Paper!

Which probably beats scissors too if you think about it.

Outdoor Bathtubs

• Robert:  Esther Short Park fountain. Hard to beat.
• Chloë (5):  That would be the best bathtub ever!

Made In China

• Aiden (10):  Gross. This lipstick is made of Chinese people.
• Robert:  That's not what that means.
• Aiden:  By. By Chinese people. Whoops.

Carry It All

• Chloë (5):  Daddy, you can carry the stick, flowers, and mail.
• Robert:  But that's all there is. Why do I have to carry everything?
• Chloë:  Because you have to. You're the daddy.

Clearcut Chloë

On picking flowers with Chloë:

• Robert:  Her policy of clear-cutting flowers is unsustainable. I'll have to teach her about selective logging.

Regretting Hemorrhoids

Upon seeing a billboard for hemorrhoid treatment...

• Aiden (10):  What are hemorrhoids?
• Sarah:  They are like those veins that poke out on some legs, except they are in your butt.
• Aiden:  I immediately regret asking.